14 August 2017

STATIC: The incomplete journey

I promised myself that I would get up early today, as I needed to be in at work by 6 am. So I committed to that, but as I have in the past, I've said the same over and over again and would end up at work hours later. This time would be different, this time had to be different, as were some of the other days past from the last 8 months. No, but really I promised myself this time would be different and it had to be and nothing would change that, so there... that's what I believe I said to myself, my wife and my doubting self. 


Well, I did it, I woke up early and left early! I think the heat/humid room making me sick also played a role in my rise this morning. I have to say it though, the great universe, My God had a plan for me and I had no idea. Say Whaaaattt?? I mean I take so much time to get ready and most of it is psyching myself to get up out of the bed, off the toilet, then take that shower, then get dressed, then do my daily nutritional aim, and then get to work. Everything before I get to the car, and every day feels like a load, and a journey and an inconvenience, but why? I'll get to that sometime; see there it is again, that "just let it be" attitude! That comma, or the three dots, the incomplete of incompletes have become my standard, but that's not what this post is about. I mean it, it will be in the following post, but for now... Static!


Yes, I made it to the car, and while every step I took felt as if I was moving 100lbs (to a certain degree I am, my weight, my worries, my bag, my fears, my incompletes, my past, you know the drill) I still made it to the car, yet at which point when I got into the car, I was mentally drained for what was awaiting me on this day. See I got up early to get to the office early to prepare reports for a couple daily calls on the day's activities and business all before 8 am. So that's about 2 hours of preparation for about 40 mins of dialogue. Bleh. Anyways, my phones usually pair to my car once I get in and turn it on. It allows me the chance to stream music and wisdom I don't usually find in my area. (Insert plug for ViVid Streaming hosted by Rashidi @sundaddy12) It's either that or NPR to get me ready for the 45-minute commute to the city. (that's without traffic) Today for some reason, my phone(s) wanted to pair and every minute I'm in my lot, is a minute further I am from the office and closer to sitting in that Boston Traffic.

I wasn't to be bothered and those that know me well, I've got little to no patience for somethings, and this right here, this was one of those things! I had my foot on the brake and when neither phone would connect since the car was asking "anyone wanna join the party?" There was no response, like "radio silence" from my phones, and then the station that kicked on was playing a Christian Rock song, as I took my foot off the brake and put the car in reverse it started playing a classic Jazz tune. So I said to myself, I'm not changing the channel, either way, I'm getting something from this station. Now thanks to my great friends Mike F, and Paul K, I have basic knowledge about FM and how it works and as an avid driver, I know you just need to move closer to the source for a more clear signal. I made up in my mind that I was not going to change this station for the next 45 mins, No matter what!


I thought that one of these stations would win out, but for some reason, I was in the mix and the clouds were hovering enough to keep the static as clear as day. Wow isn't this art imitating life? I've been in a haze for months, lost, confused and not receiving clarity. Now here I am in a car with a station that is receiving two signals. See I wasn't bothered as I was thankful that there was a Gospel station on FM in the area and secondly, I love a great jazz station as well. So my only wrestle was to stay committed to not changing the station and allowing a message to come through the static. So the gospel station started with some uplifting tunes and my spirit awoke, then it was hungry for me, and the Jazz station took over and it forced the pain and confusion to the surface and I started bawling out. Then it was the top of the hour and an NPR station started to drop some knowledge. Now I thought that either of these stations was an NPR station with a Jazz or Christian segment, but nope. So now there are three stations vying for my tears and ears. 

I'm still committed to not changing the station, but I want to because I don't want to be that guy crying on the highway who can't really see what's in front of him. It was beyond me. Every minute I had more pouring into me from the Christian station and the Jazz station and more tears pouring out. I couldn't stop it. I just needed this. I needed this, I needed this, I just really needed this!


This was a ride that was planned for me. This was a moment my spirit needed. This was something I didn't know was awaiting me. All I knew before I got up this morning was that I've lived a life of incomplete, I've failed a lot and fear taking risks. I know that I'm on the Hamster wheel, Grinding Gears and just inserting self into the motion. I've been asked for weeks, what's your plan? I've been frustrated that I couldn't see or create a plan, but like static you have to fine tune the noise for clarity. You need to move closer to the source for better sound and well in the noise there's always a message. My life and spirit needed a word from God today, and my clouded mind needed the reminder that Jazz when they freestyle makes amazing music. Every note I heard today connected with my spirit, dug up more and more tears, so know this.... I'm tuned in to the change! 

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