(Started on 9/16/19 @ 8:22am EST)
What a powerful, no let me rephrase that, what a heavy weekend. This past weekend was a heavy AF weekend. It was filled with joy, sadness, tears, hurt, anger, love, a football game, a wedding, a surprise guest appearance and some jet-lag! In the end it was all a vortex of learning. As I write this I'm debating if I should use names to protect the guilty, or say eff it reality is reality?
(Continued on 9/26/19 @ 9:42am EST)
Wow, some time has gone by and I've not even addressed this matter in this form! I wont lie, I've not had the most amount of time to commit, wait that's a blatant lie, I've opted not to invest the emotional time into the drama that has plagued my life in the last week. Some of it has been good, some has been for necessary growth and enlightenment, some has just been noise, but it's all me. Right at the center of it all it's me! I'm the constant. I'm either the catalyst, the result, the lesson, the change needed or just the end result of judgement, but I still have not sat down to put it into words. I spent a good portion of the last few days sleeping. I wasn't sure if it was because I was overly tired from traveling, and working or if my medication regiment was back in my system and just acting a fool? I wasn't sure of any of it, but I know that I was in a way, and as many post as I see that say "A Mood" there was not post that could sincerely express mine.
I've wanted to write, to scream, to yell to exhale, to share, to shape and to do so much dumping in the last week, it's made me tired and had the reverse affect. I've gone into a shell to completely seclude the world and take on the challenges again by myself, but the results have remained the same, stagnant. I'm excited for what lies ahead, but it seems that whenever some great happens, something sad or poor does. I'm trying to balance my emotions to accept and align that that is how the universe balances things. Example, a couple weekends ago, I was honored to join my brother at his wedding and to see their family and the unity and bond of love flourish was grand. The same weekend we suffered a loss, but one that was also a gain. We lost someone close to the family, but you ever have that loss that is a gain of freedom, piece of mind, clarity and just a weight off your shoulders? It's not so much a bother gone, but more so, OK, if someone doesn't want to be in your life, there's no worth for you trying to keep them there. I'm sure some of you might be able to relate to that friend, of BFF, that colleague, high school or college mate or sibling that just wanted out. Neither of you were of value or growth for the other and cutting ties was of more value that feeding a dead root!
Ok, so that's a lot and pretty heavy, but that's how I got to the title. I felt that many of us want to have people in our lives. Either by force, or by common likes, or things that draw us together and at times it's blood. In the end it's the need for acceptance and to be apart of something other than self. What I've uncovered in my life is that many people want to be right, or in charge, but have zero interest in being wrong or following. Is it so bad to be wrong and to follow? I don't think so as long as you know your truth and your destiny! The reason for my title of "I can't teach, if I won't learn" comes from a place of ignorance. At times we need to shut things down or out, but how are you continuing the evolution of life and growth if you just cut things down/out? The other side of that is the willingness to grow from what is being taught! Yes frustration happens when you don't see the results you think should happen. However, truth be told, not every seed grows over night. Any good teacher knows that not all students learn on the same plane, but the all learn. So in my mind the teacher, must also be willing to always be a student and that enhances their teachings. I see it as a way to keep giving and always receiving and giving will always make room for the most recent need!
This may seem like an emotional ramble, but in the end my desire is that if you're any kind of coach, or person of influence, disappointment is death! We should remain in a position of "always be learning to teach and teaching to learn!" Remember your success wasn't handed to you and if it was, be ready to give it away, it's the only way you can make room for more and greater at that!
